Make Me a Supermodel Episode 7 Recap

I miss doing recaps! I used to do them all the time and then I stopped. I'm totally getting back into it. :)

SO! Last week on Make Me a Supermodel, Katy was finally sent home, the models have to act in their photoshoot and viewers are given ample proof that Perry is a douche, Jacki is a bitch, and Ben's prison-guard skills can't be all that great if he can't hold two models apart. At the catwalk, the models were split into groups of two (except for Jacki, who was by herself) and they had to act out different personalities. Ronnie, Frankie, and Stephanie are put up for the vote.

Episode opens with Ben shaking his "best friend" awake. They share a (b)romantic moment in which Ben gives Ronnie his lucky necklace that Ben wore when he got immunity. Ronnie tells Ben he loves him, with Bravo's helpful closed captioning ensuring that no one misunderstands. Alright, I love the (b)romance, guys, but this is getting a little ridiculous. (see this post for my thoughts on the matter) but that's not the point right now. Over in Steph and Holly's room, Steph is pretty confident that she's not going home, and Holly tells her she doesn't want her to go. Aw. I like Holly. Frankie/Fabio thinks Steph will be going home. I guess he figures that the gals and gays who watch this show don't really care about the girls.

...What's sad is that he's kind of right.

ELMINATION TIME! I was kind of spoiled in advance because I saw Ronnie's reflection in the snake tank in the preview--THANKS A LOT, BRAVO!!--but I didn't honestly think he was going home anyway. To quote the Klum, Stephanie is OUT! Bye, Steph. Honestly, I'm not too broken up about it. Half the time she just sort of blended into the background and I didn't even remember she was there. But good luck either way. :)

Back at the house, Jacki the Skank and Holly snipe back and forth about how there are people who they want to leave and people who should leave. Personally, I'd think anyone but me should leave because everyone else is competition! I mean, fuck, get the good people out of the house! Honestly, don't these people stragegize?

Ronnie troops back in and cheesily informs Ben that the amulet worked. They do that weird straight-guy handshake/hug thing that's like hands-clasped-half-hug-pat-on-back...quite a comedown from the jump!hug!spin! from last week. Methinks Ben has had a few angry words from the Mrs. since last Wednesday.

Apparently, Perry had no such angry words from his girlfriend (if the poor girl still is his girlfriend...after that freakout, I'd probably stay far away from The Perry) because he scoops Frankie/Fabio up like they've been apart forever. If Perry wasn't a douche and Frankie/Fabio didn't make me want to hit him with a book, I'd squee over the slash of it. But I think Perry's doing Casey anyway.

Holly is sad because she and Steph got to be really good friends. Ronnie--everyone's gay boyfriend and Provider of Cuddles for All--goes and gives her a hug.

HAIRCUT UPDATE TIME! The hairdresser guy--who I swear to God I thought was a woman--informs Frankie/Fabio that they're cutting his hair...because of the Fabio references. I'm honestly sad, because now I'll have to find something new to make fun of him for, and I'm really too lazy for that. Oh well. Also, Ronnie's hair gets a little shorter too, and some of the blond gets taken out. I'm very happy about that, because the bleach-blond was not helping him get rid of that All-American Image the judges keep bitching at him about.

After haircut time, the models sit around and have a totally unprompted [/sarcasm] discussion about their worst fears. There's a genuinely funny moment when Ronnie says his biggest fear is George W. Bush--for all his cheesiness, he really is a funny litte queen sometimes.

Casey says that his biggest fear is snakes. At this point, everyone who's seen the preview or read spoilers about the challenge begins chuckling/rubbing their hands together maniacally.

PHOTOSHOOT DAY! The models make all us normal people feel shitty about ourselves by looking gorgeous at like 5.30 a.m. Blaaah. Today's location is Some Deserted Airfield with a big tank of water. The models look aprehensive. No Tone Niki tells the models that their photoshoot will be to look natural in a different environment. And they have a partner...a giant snake! Surprise? Anyone? Anyone?

...Yeah, me neither.

Casey decides to meditate to relieve some stress. I've got to say, Casey's growing on me. Despite the fact that he sleeps in potato chips and regularly sucks on Perry's balls, he's quite adorable. Also, he has pretty hair. I think he'll go quite far in the competition.

Photoshoot results: Perry doesn't do very well--he's really awkward in the water and he doesn't interact well with the snake. Frankie, who's actually kind of rocking the new haircut (though I am sad that I can't call him Fabio anymore), looks pretty good. And then there's Ben. Oh, honey--I love you, but this was not your best. You can really tell he's holding his breath and strugging a lot. His one redemption will probably be that it's obvious how hard he's trying. Ronnie, who was apparently a lifeguard/swim instructer in a former life/career/whatever, does a very good job! I'm very excited about this, because it means he might not be in the bottom three this week! Casey, whom I'm tempted to start calling Bhudda (but I might not actually call him that due to the I Love New York connotations), freaks out a little bit with the snake, but he looks really good in his photos! I feel like I've just watched one of those America's Next Top Model episodes where one of the girls freaks out over a photoshoot and then rocks it. Good job, Casey!

And then it's the girls' turn. And...ugh. Just...ugh.

So I'm going to cut Holly some slack because she tries really hard and you can really tell she's sick. But God, she looks like death very slightly warmed over in her photos, and the poor girl's probably going to catch pneumonia and die from going from cold air to water and then back to cold air. Jacki the Skank totally bombs it. She doesn't even seem like she's making an actual effort. Shannon...alright, let me start by saying I really like Shannon. She seems really nice, and she's actually not conventionally pretty. She's got that sort of awkward prettiness that's weird but hot at the same time. But I've got to say, this shoot was not her best. At all. Not even a little bit. She can barely stay underwater, she's not working well with the snake...ugh, it's just bad.

Also, this photographer is kind of a douche. Just saying.

Back at the house, the models talk about what they'll do with the $100,000 if/when they win it. I'm kind of reminded of those scenes in ANTM when the girls are pretty much having a sob-story-off...y'know, who has the most miserable life back home and why they should win? Yeah. Apparently Perry thinks that the fact that he works two jobs and has to wash dishes will make America pity him and vote him for the win. Ah...no.

Ben's future plans evidently don't include his wife. Or if they do, only vaguely and by inference. Oh, Mrs. Ben. You deserve so many hugs. Again...I'm really sorry for kind of wanting your husband to hook up with a dude. It's not my fault. He's encouraging us.

CATWALK DAY!

May I point out that the fact they call it a catwalk confuses the shit out of me? Does Heidi Klum have a copyright on the phrase "you may leave the runway" and that's why they have to say "catwalk"? Because I swear no one ever says "catwalk" anymore, except the dude in "I'm Too Sexy".

Just saying.

So, for today's catwalk/runway challenge, the models have to walk wearing crazy Alexander McQueen-inspired headpieces. But because this is a reality show and there were animals earlier and the little info scroll on the TV guide told us the full challenge, we all know that the models are going to have to walk down the catwalk with animals.

Does anyone else feel like this week is really dumb?

Alright, so this shit is really too dumb for me to handle by going into detail. Long story short: Casey's sheep poops, Perry's pig poops on Perry (highlight of the night). Frankie's duck wears a bow tie and Frankie very helpfully fixes it for him. Is this animal abuse? Because...seriously. A bow tie?

Also, the duck's name was Nigel and I immediately thought of Nigel Barker from ANTM. Do I watch too many modeling shows?

JUDGING!

Tyson decides to be a douche this week and tells everyone they suck. Apparently Perry used his teeth when he gave Tyson his weekly blowjob, because Tyson was not happy with The Perry this week. He says Perry sucked and that he feels like Perry has crossed the line between confidence and arrogance. Perry, who is so far over the line it's not even funny, says he "feels like he's in a dream". Yes, dear, we're now in Reality Land, a mystical place where the universe doesn't revolve around you. But don't worry. I'm sure we'll soon be moving to Bottom Three Land, population: you. All of the girls get pretty bad reviews from everyone. Ben gets panned, too. The only really good people this week were Frankie, Casey, and Ronnie. The Q&As are pretty rough, though. Biggest shocker of the night was the exchange when Tyson asked Ronnie who he thought should be in the bottom three and Ronnie (reluctantly, to his credit) said Ben. There are no words to describe the shock on Ben's face at that answer. Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise, boys? Ronnie, sugar, it might be time to give Ben his lucky necklace back.

The judges deliberate, and I really don't care what they're saying because Niki's voice makes me want to die and Tyson's cockiness is so annoying that...ugh. Whatever. I usually take this time to take a bathroom break or make a sandwich.

Final results: Frankie is in! I mean, safe. Ronnie is the winner! Casey is safe. Shannon is safe. Holly is safe.

Bottom three: Ben, Jacki, and Perry.

Alright. So, I'm not overly surprised about the bottom three. I'm going to be very honest and say that even though I actually think Ben deserves to go home...he's not going anywhere. Because let's face it, America wants to see him hook up with Ronnie. (Seriously, Mrs. Ben, I am so sorry.) The fact that he walked off the catwalk and right into Ronnie's (waiting) arms probably won't go over too well at home. But the fact that he uses his "LOVE ME, AMERICA!!" time to bitch about Holly kind of pissed me off.

Jacki and Perry...eh. Between the two of them, I think it'll probably be Jacki who goes home, because the gals and gays who watch this show don't really care too much about the chicks. Also, Jacki's a huge skank. But Perry's also a douchebag, so it could go either way.

Congrats to Ronnie on his win, good luck to the bottom three.

Stay fierce, kiddies!