Previously on Project Runway: The designers had to make over a bunch of borderline-attractive college graduates with outfits that fit their new careers. Kenley found her twin, Jerell won his second challenge in a row, and Joe’s ugly outfit got him the auf.

We open with Suede fretting about being in the bottom two for the umpteenth time, saying Joe’s auf saved him last time but he really needs to shape up the game. Ooh, foreshadowing. Over in the girls’ apartment, Leanne interviews that she’d really like the final three to be all women, since that’s never happened, but she’d settle for taking Jerell, because they can put him in a wig. Lol!


On the runway, Heidi breaks out the black bag for some pointless model selection, since apparently they won’t be using models for this challenge anyway. My mother marvels at the fact that Heidi’s had children, and remarks that it’s hugely unfair. Models, models, models—oh hey! Drama! Leanne took Suede’s model Tia, saying that she was such a good model that she gave Suede an advantage. Damn, Leanimal’s claws are OUT! Suede calls her move “very second grade”. Like you can talk, honey. You speak in the third person. Heidi sends the designers to the workroom to learn about the challenge. “I see you on the runway!”

Tim tells the designers that they will be designing for…each other! Wow! That’s so creative, Project Runway! That’s never been done before!

Oh. Wait. Season 2. The challenge that tore my OTP apart. (Nick/Daniel V, for those of you who are confused.) This is really the season for re-using challenges, huh? C’mon, producers/writers, you can do better than this.

…Actually, you probably can’t. Keep up the mediocre work, guys.

Anyway, the challenge has a twist—each designer will also be assigned a musical genre. That genre will have to be displayed in the outfit designed for them.

So! The matches are:

Korto – Suede (punk)
Suede – Jerell (rock n’ roll)
Jerell – Kenley (pop)

Pardon me while I LOL MYSELF TO DEATH.

Kenley – Leanne (hip-hop)
Leanne – Korto (country)

Okay, seriously, these have to be scripted. Please. There’s no way this shit is actually random, unless God is a SERIOUS reality television fan.

Although, considering we live in a world where Keeping Up with the Kardashians was renewed for a second season…God’s totally a reality TV fan.

Consultations! Nothing really amusing, except for Kenley butting in on Leanne’s consult with Korto to ask her to try on shoes. I don’t like Kenley. I hope she goes home.

Also, Korto’s planning to put Suede in tight pants. I’m not sure how I feel about this yet.

Off to Mood! The designers bustle, snip, and buy. I went on the Mood website a while ago, and that shit is SERIOUSLY expensive. Like, $9.00 a yard for your standard chiffon. I could get that at JoAnn’s for like $5 a yard. Just saying. But, whatever. Tim doesn’t think Kenley’s fabric is hip-hop. I’m totally excited for the Tim-Kenley bitchfest I saw in the preview. I hope he slaps her.

THANK YOU MOOD!

The designers head back to the workroom and get to work. Kenley’s outfit, judging by the sketches, is so far from hip-hop it’s scary. Jerell’s working with fishnets. I’m bored.

With four hours left in the day, Tim comes in for check-in. I’m dancing on the edge of my seat, kittens, seriously. He likes Leanne’s silhouette, and that’s really all I heard.

And then he got to Kenley. “Kenley, is this hip-hop?” “Of course Tim, it’s totally hip hop.” “Well, when I think hip-hop, I think…oversized.” “No, Tim. That’s eighties hip hop.”

Homosaywhat?

Kenley says she doesn’t want to make Leanne look ridiculous. Tim says he’s just trying to understand her, and says it would help if she removed the sarcasm from her tone. OH NO SHE DIDN’T. He tells her to work on it, and she interviews, and I shit you not: “What does Tim know about hip hop, anyway?”

Oh my God. Her wannabe-vintage ass better gtf off my show.

It’s the day of the runway show! Jerell interviews that he could have sabotaged Suede. Apparently he really thought about it. Kenley thinks she has this one in the bag because her outfit is “totally hip hop”.

In the workroom, Kenley is continuing to primp her ugly-ass outfit for Leanne.

The designers head out to hair and makeup, and seriously, kittens, this is the highlight of my evening. Kenley looks like Miley Cyrus and I shit you not, Suede looks like a drag queen. He even says, “I feel like I should have been in the drag queen challenge.” Oh my God, I love it. Jerell’s really confident, and thinks he should win this one—especially since no one’s ever one three in a row. True. I think Christian’s the only one to ever win three period, so I can see how Jerell would be pretty stoked.
This week’s poll: Was Kenley disrespectful to Tim? A: Yes! Leave Tim alone! B: No, That’s just Kenley! C: All’s fair in fashion.
I say A—just so we can get that dude with the “leave Britney alone” video back. “LEAVE TIM ALONE!!” complete with running eyeliner and…ahaha. I love it. :P

The designers bustle around getting dressed and…I hate pretty much everything. Well, no, that’s not true. I really just hate Kenley’s. Everyone else…I’m kind of indifferent. Although I do like what Korto did with Suede’s pants. And I love the boots Jerell’s wearing. Very rock n’ roll. Or…very gay. But I find the two often cross over. Just look at the Beatles. And Jon bon Jovi. And…yeah.

I don’t know what’s worse—Kenley’s outfit or how much she thinks she’s going to win.

RUNWAY! Heidi explains to the judges why the designer’s chairs are empty. She gives the judges the challenge, and introduces the guest judge, LL Cool J. Um…I don’t really know what he has to do with fashion, or why he would possibly be a good person to judge this challenge.

Let’s start the show.

Leanne – Purple shirt tied at the neck and waist, fishtail skirt with weird Wonder Woman belt, checkered scarf, and cowgirl boots. It’s cute, but the country aspect of it is very subtle. If I hadn’t known it was country, I probably wouldn’t have gotten it. Also, peacock earrings? Really?

Jerell – He was going for Kenley Spears, and I’m getting Kenley Spears-Winehouse, but I think that’s just hair and makeup. The dress itself is very pop, actually—fishnet with a very short skirt, diamond-studded collar, and some sort of weird rhinestone bra underneath. There’s a short blue fur vest over it. It’s very blue. Personally when I think pop the first color that comes to mind is pink, but I like that he took it in another direction.

Kenley – Ugh what a trainwreck. High-waisted jeans (the crotch is, to quote Kors, “insane!”) with a very tight, puckery crotch and big gold buttons, tank top in Kenley’s favorite eighties couch fabric, cropped leather jacket with elbow-length sleeves. Lots of bulky gold jewelry, which I have decided to call “Bluefly Bling”. Points to Leanne for having a bit of fun with it, walking all “ghetto-like” down the runway and posing at the end, though Sourface Kenley (look, Victorya, I found you a friend!) calls her a poseur in her interview.

Korto – Punk rock meets drag, I shit you not. Black jeans that she’s bleached in places to make this really cool orange-splattering effect. They’re tight, but not obscenely so. The shirt has weird stripes on it that kind of look like claw marks. Apparently they’re made of suede. Aw!

Suede – Gay Mick Jagger. Tight black pants with some kind of texturing, a slightly structured black vest (leather, I think?) and a weird pinkish tank top that looks kind of like…everything else Jerell wears. I get rock n’ roll, but subtle rock n’ roll. Rock n’ roll chilling in the tour bus.

They didn’t suck as much as I thought. Except for Kenley. I still hated Kenley’s though.

Judging: I still don’t understand why Heidi has to introduce the judges every episode. The people who watch the show know who they are, the people randomly watching the show don’t care, and the designers certainly don’t give a shit anymore. It’s probably in Nina’s contract to get her name dropped, though, so Kors probably followed suit. Apparently LL has a clothing line out. Oh, that explains it.

Korto – LL likes the energy and the perspective—punk without being over the top. He loves the bleaching on the pants. Nina thinks it looks like Marilyn Manson, leading me to believe that Nina doesn’t know who Marilyn Manson is. Kors likes that he can look past the flashiness just to the silhouette and really likes it. I think…he may have just hit on Suede. Not sure how I feel about that.

Suede – Kors likes the vest, but not the pants—they’re boring. Suede says there’s actually a lot of details on them, but LL says that subtlety doesn’t really work on stage. Nina thinks there’s not enough umph, and Heidi says Jerell just looks like Jerell. Uh-oh. Suede is worried.

Jerell – Nina thinks it looks great—“Britney as a brunette,” she says. She likes it because it’s exposing her, but she doesn’t look naked. She likes the silver. Heidi would have liked to see more breast support, but LL thinks there’s more than enough support, but wants to see more skin. (Um…ew.) Kenley takes off the vest and LL gets his wish. Kors thinks it’s sexy, but not vulgar. Looks like Jerell might just get that third win!

Kenley – Heidi thinks they’re “the most unflattering pants” she’s ever seen in her life. LL thinks the high-waisted pants are a problem—they don’t read hip-hop at all. Kenley says the challenge was really hard for her to work with, but Nina tells her to get over it, because everyone’s was hard, not just hers. Kenley says “alright” and I swear to God my thirteen-year-old sister is more mature than this girl. I need her off my show—now.

(Also, I’d like to say that during Kenley’s little bitchfest, Suede looks more dignified than Kenley—even in drag makeup and six colors of hair dye.)

Leanne – Nina likes the color and the silhouette, but would have liked more “umph”. Heidi likes it, thinks it looks great—the skirt is very flattering. Kors thinks it could have had a bit more. LL says he likes it, but he wouldn’t recognize it as country.

I’m really thinking Kenley’s gone. Please make Kenley be gone.

The judges deliberate. They like Jerell—it’s revealing without being trashy. They love Korto—she might get the win on this one. Suede is “rock n’ roll going to the grocery store”…not nearly enough crazy. Kenley’s was “something I could buy at the mall”, very unflattering and boring. Leanne started in the right direction, but didn’t go far enough. Not bad, just quiet.

Polls say Kenley’s a disrespectful bitch—88%. WOW. Good thing she’s going to get eliminated tonight. Smiley face.

Back on the runway, Korto is the winner! Sorry, Jerell. You’ve still got another shot to get a third win, though. She’s really excited because not only did she do punk, she did menswear! Good job, Korto. Jerell is in. Leanne is in.

Suede played it safe when he should have turned up the volume. Kenley missed the attitue of hip-hop completely. Kenley is…

WHAT??

Kenley is in, Suede is out, and my world has exploded.

I’m sorry, but Suede didn’t deserve the auf this week. His outfit might not have been fantastically rock n’ roll, but it was well made and fit well. Kenley had ass written all over her outfit, she was disrespectful to judges, and she’s completely unprofessional. She better get out of here next week.

Next week: The designers go on a field trip, the client is Hedda Lettuce, Kenley’s missing fabric, no one cares about Kenley being sad, Kenley is once again bitching to the judges, and if that bitch isn’t off my screen by 9:59 next Wednesday, I will be MOST put out.

See you next week, kittens. :)