The Great Gatsby in 60 Seconds

Well, I did one for Ethan Frome, which sucked a lot more than this, but I figured I might as well. I actually liked Gatsby, but what can you do? Sometimes you just need to bash things. :)

Nick: I don't like to judge people. Especially Gatsby, because even though he exemplified everything I hate in a person, he pwned.

So, without further ado: The Great Gatsby in 60 Seconds.



Tom: I am big and hulking and cheating on my wife! Grar!

Daisy: Hey, Nick. This is my second cousin twice removed on my mother's nephew's side, Jordan.

Jordan: 'Sup?

Nick: Aoh. Hey.

Gatsby: Hey, Nick. I think you're pretty awesome. Let's be BFFs.

Nick: Okay.

Gatsby: BTW, I used to totally have a thing for your cousin Daisy. Think you can hook me back up with that?

Daisy: I love you, Gatsby!

Gatsby: :)

Daisy: And these are the greatest shirts EVER!

Nick: ...?

(insert several pages of background-related spoilers, essentially that Jay Gatsby=James Gatz, and he totally changed his identity. Keep your SS number a secret, girls!)

Gatsby: Tom, I'm screwing your wife.

Tom: WTF?

Daisy: Also, I just ran over your mistress.

Tom: WTF????

Tom's Mistress's Husband: This is all your fault, Gatsby! I keel j00!

Gatsby: BLARGH! *ded*

Nick: NOOOOOOOO!

All of Gatsby's 'Friends': Yeah, uh, about that funeral...we're totally not going.

Nick: Bitches.

Daisy: I never really liked him, I'm just going to chill here with my douchey husband.

Nick: Fuck all y'all. I'm going back to Chicago.

THE END.
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End of an Era

As we speak, I'm sitting in the band room before intermission of my last show at North Attleboro High School. It's closing night of the musical, my last horrah as a senior, and I've got some mixed feelings.

On the one hand, I'm kind of glad it's over. I'm sick of the long nights, the stress, the crying, the endless drama. I'm sick of coming home in tears after cast lists and rehearsals, feeling like I'm not good enough or pretty enough or tall enough or whatever enough to get a part. I'm sick of You-Know-Who's regime and bitchy people and comments that are supposed to be funny but actually really hurt. I'm sick of just about everything, actually.

But on the other hand, I'm sad. I love pretty much 90% of the theatre company's members--I've grown up with these people, grown from a sad, angry freshman to a (somewhat) mature senior. They've helped me through some tough transitions and even tougher times, and I've helped them back. We've banded together through some serious shit. We've laughed together, we've cried together, we've bashed the living crap out of each other, and through it all we've pretty much always loved each other.

So it's the end of an era. I'm moving on to new things, new theatres. Maybe I'll come back and visit, maybe I won't. Who knows?

To Kyle, Maria, Tiffani, Vanessa, Jesse, Bridget, Britney, Meghan and Justin: we've had a great run, you guys. It's been an amazing four years that I will never, ever forget. I love all of you.

To everyone else: good luck, hang in there, and don't forget what we seniors taught you. :) Read more! Read more!